Why I decided to out my abuse

Hello there sugared almonds!

Grab a cuppa and lets get stuck into my first proper blog post!

For my first post im wanting to take it back to 2012 and the birth of ‘LittlestLady’ over on blogspot. Many that read that blog wont actually realise this,but nobody knew about my abuse until they first laid their tiny eyes on it. When i announced i had a blog im pretty sure most will of thought it was probably about bears and my love for them. (I may have just sparked an idea!)

My was it a shock to many, even myself. In fact to my closest friends it was almost my ‘coming out’ story.

It brought so many questions to many and so much heartache between myself and those closest to me. I was a bundle of happiness one minute to disappearing off the face of the earth for days,sometimes weeks,but people thought that was just me.

I always kept this ‘Nope, nothing to see here’ approach and seemed to have my skill down to a T. Even when people did question things the idea seemed to get lost and it would never be heard about again. Unfortunately i think it was my background that kept me well hidden. Not that i was well off, but i grew up in a place where most people were and the rest of my family certainly were. It was that terrible old fashioned stereotype of ‘oh that defiantly wouldn’t happen in that family’ and even if they had expected it,they probably would of pushed the idea away.

Though many had a good guess i don’t think anyone could of ever imagined the huge secret my tush was sat on. I always had this little dream in my head of sharing my story to help people that were going through something similar but never did i expect to be saying to 200,000 people

I had to learn myself that though i thought i was doing the right thing keeping this secret,that necessarily wasn’t the case. See when its just your life you almost don’t realise how bad or different it is especially when you’re so young. I just thought ‘Oh will keep the shame and confusion to a minimum’. Answering the, ‘and you diddnt tell me why?’ questions were hard to say the least.

As to why i took that leap of faith and outed my abuse, well i guess theres a few reasons. Firstly i couldn’t actually keep up the whole secret family routine any longer,i mean come on? People knew there was something wrong and it was only a matter of time before people were asking if it was a tail i was really hiding.

Secondly it was the little independent being inside of me trying to tell people of that very independence. See,i was always always the ‘little’ one of my friendship groups and social circles. Because i could be quite shy at times people always felt like they needed to look after me.(which don’t get me wrong is lovely). Though i kept most of my family life private i always thought people must think i lived in some perfect family where i must of been sheltered from real life. It was almost my way of saying “hey ive been through worse things than struggling to open the top off a bottle,il be okay!”

I also always had this big dream of helping people. Every job i wanted to do would always involve helping people or fighting for someone or some things rights. Il never forget my college teacher saying to me “You will never be happy unless you’re trying to save the world” and it couldn’t be more true. Its the thing that makes my heart happy and something i couldn’t believe in anymore if i tried.

All in all I don’t think there was a specific reason as to why i outed my abuse i just knew and felt in my heart that it was the right time. I was at a good age and good place where i felt i had accepted what had happened to me and i felt it was time to do something good with a not so good situation.

After everything was out in the open and all the questions were answered the bad certainly did come with the good. I received a huge amount of support from those closest to me and also complete strangers. My blog had created this bubble of goodness and had managed to bring together all the tiny tots that were determined to recover and change their lives for the better.