The importance of feeling feelings!

Hello poppets,

How are we getting on?

Today on my blog I thought I would talk about that oh so human thing that were desperate to make so, inhuman!

We have talked quite a bit on my blog about suppressing feelings when it comes to abuse and trauma and how my main abusers inability to do that left me with my story. She was brought up being told that feelings were wrong and bad and when she expressed her feelings of hurt and shame she was told to just keep calm and carry on!

From a young age a lot of us are taught that having emotions and feelings are bad. You may have heard ‘theres nothing to be sad about’ or ‘don’t cry’ from your peers growing up. We’re made to feel like those emotions are invalid, wrong and something we just simply shouldn’t have. They may be said as a ‘quick fix’ or ‘quick reaction’ to something but can lead us to suppressing emotions and building negative behaviours as a way to mask and hide how we’re feeling.

It’s one of those really old fashioned things that sadly we’re still trying to break free from. I know my grandma used to say those things a lot with me and she thought everything was resolved by saying “Oh, have a cup of tea!” I mean, i’m not usually one to judge the benefits of tea but come on!

The worst part of it all is that trying to suppress our emotions only leads to more suffering. Often people do engage in negative behaviours for example drugs and alcohol which can make us temporarily feel better but doesn’t fix the underlying problem. We end up playing a game of constantly chasing our tail and constantly having to use some form of something to mask how we’re feeling. The thing is when you’re focused on numbing and running from those feelings rather than processing them you end up running from a happy and fulfilling life too. Wether it be sadness, anger, hurt, guilt or loneliness (and many more!) they are all normal and natural emotions to feel.

Ive spoken to you guys a bit before about people saying that i’m ‘always happy’ and ‘positive’ and i’ve had to explain that its not the case. I have learnt and HAD TO learn to process and recognise all my emotions. As time has gone by and with working through my abuse and bringing gratitude and mindfulness into my life I guess my outlook on things is more of a ‘positive’ tone. I still have all emotions I’ve just learnt how to notice them and found healthy ways to move through them rather than avoiding them and drawing them out.

We are now in a situation that effects us all. Literally the whole world! I have had days where I have felt sadness, days where i’ve felt lonely and some where i’ve just felt plain flat. As i’ve gone through my recovery journey and learnt what things need attention I have learnt how to work through those feelings. Some days my heart has just hurt and rightly so with all thats going on in the world! Those feelings didn’t need much action. More just a hug of goodness. I took the day to practice self care. I snuggled up on the couch with my pup and spent the day watching jackass, catching up with my friends via FaceTime and playing on The Sims.

One day last week I found myself buried in articles and was quite happy until i went to put my last full stop on my last article of the day and I felt like the whole world had stopped. I literally felt like the only person in the world. Not a soul on the streets outside my house and all I could hear was the faint sound of Lola snoring downstairs (typical!) To say i had a pretty productive day I just felt rotten. I picked my things up and went to head downstairs and realised in that moment that I hadn’t talked to a soul all day. Im such a people person and for me to not be seeing various people throughout the day and talking to them is a huge thing for me. The world was so still and quiet which is often lovely but this time, it wasn’t. I headed downstairs, had some dinner, got into my pjs and sat for the rest of the night talking to my friends. Not only did recognising my feelings bring relief but as soon as I started to talk to my friends again I instantly felt brighter.

As we become more aware of our emotions, how we’re feeling and whats connected to what we can move through them. Sometimes its about just noticing thoughts and that they don’t need any attention but often we can find quite quickly that they’re attached to something.

Its not about feeling sad and saying “this is what i’m supposed to be doing, i’ll stay like this!” Its about recognising those emotions and my famous saying of MOVING THROUGH THEM! If you’re feeling low in mood, is that attached to a particular something? Maybe its because you miss your friends? Call them! Maybe you’re feeling a little sluggish? Move your body! Feeling tired and low energy? Snuggle down and watch a film!

Our lives recently have been flipped upside down. Our routines and how we function has changed quite drastically.Its important to recognise that mourning general life right now is completely normal. Its not like we now have to take time to get used to this life because soon we will be back to normal. Were just sort of left in limbo trying to function through this new life till our old oringal life comes back. This is why its important to do what you need to do to look after yourself during this current time. If you want to have a lie in, spend the day watching films and snuggling with your pet thats absolutely fine, in fact its wonderful!

If you struggle with processing emotions now is a really good time to practice doing so. The emotions youre feeling right now everyone is feeling. Once you start practicing feeling the feelings you’re feeling right now it may allow you to start processing other feelings and worries in other aspects of your life later on.