The Importance of Bravery

Hello Poppets,

How the dickens are we?

This week i started to talk to you guys about bravery and taking on those things that essentially…

Yes. In fact i feel that in itself is the key to getting quite so far in recovery. Its also essentially, why a lot of people don’t reach for recovery and why people can drop out of therapy early (I learnt that from my therapist!)

See, for so many years I couldn’t think about the things that happened to me, never mind talk about them. Through my journey I learnt that probably one of the worst things I could do was keep that stuff in and that was from watching my main abuser. Some what 20/30 years on I was the main outlet for these things that just couldn’t be kept in and were coming out with the most brutal force. Being told from the youngest age the reasoning behind my hurt was due to hers.

I watched and took note of how it was destroying her very insides and by the time I was born it was spilling over the edges. I knew that If I wanted to create change I had to do something that I didn’t want, talk about it. Not only talk about it but I had to sort through the wreckage and most importantly HEAL FROM IT.

And you know what that comes down to?

What do we do when we realise we have to do all those things that we just dont want to. We have to not ignore them, not bury them but in fact step forward bravely and take them head on. Noticing those thoughts of worry and fear, waving at them and taking them along for the ride.

I remember the first time I was brave and I mean, REALLY BRAVE. It was one of many battles in the war zone that I called my life. I was sat once again with the decision of wether to take myself from the world or let it be at the hands of someone else. That thought process was such a dark, scary but also reoccurring thought in my life. For some reason this time something else kicked in and I found myself making one of my bravest decisions to date.

I picked up my phone and text my best friend. Trying in any which way to not worry her but tell her I was in danger. Before I knew it both her and her dad came and took me out of the war zone. Though my life was flashing before my eyes I couldn’t help but think to myself what a brave move it was and that my life going forward was going to change.

I held on to that moment and remembered it during so many times in my life. Leaving my abusers care officially, opening up about what happened and even with things like tackling my OCD. I remembered how scary it was but that the good far outweighed any of that. I realised that behind that door of fear there was another world. A world where that brave move no matter how small could lead on to bigger and bolder acts of bravery with even bigger rewards.

Being brave enough to not only leave my abusers care but to years later go back after her passing to heal that part of my life. As you guys know if you read that journey back in 2016 it was essentially a journey of empowerment and bravery for me. Yes, part of me had to go back to clean the house out and collect any scraps of my childhood but I could have just left it. To me it was about conquering such an enormous fear and that realisation that if I could go back to such a place and do that, I really could do anything.

Its not about not feeling nervous but knowing that no matter what feelings I have I can do it. I can take on those fears and move forward in life with courage

I have gone from being so frightened and scared of just being. Even to the point of being mute out of fear of life to standing on stages and radio shows talking about recovery. Its so important to step forward with bravery and tackle all those things that we dont want to. Unlocking that fear holds something far greater.