Question time! – I think someone i know is being abused!

Hello there poppets,

How are we?

This week on the blog I’m taking some more time out to answer some of your burning questions. Again i have picked a question that is most commonly asked and that i feel to be the most relatable to the people reading my blog.

Now,to the questions!

I think someone i know is being abused. I feel like she is leaving hints but doesn’t want to fully tell me. I am also nervous to ask. What should i do?

Gosh, this is a hard one isn’t it?

I think this is one of those questions that can have very varied points of view.
Some would jump up and shout call the police right away and wouldn’t think of any other alternative. Some would shy away from the situation and not know what to do and some pass on the support to someone else.

You have to be so careful especially as the law and all its regulations doesn’t always play on our side. The last thing you want is to make the situation worse as the situation could become more abusive for those being abused.(Sorry if that scares anyone)

If you are willing to support the person through the situation, here are some helpful points!

To start
Its important to make sure no little ears are listening when you begin to discuss what may or may not be going on.
If you can,maybe invite your friend over to discuss things or find somewhere away from those sneaky little ears!

Be supportive
Being supportive is key. As much as you want to take them away from the situation, wrap them up in cotton wool and send their abusers to jail, it isn’t always that simple. With abuse often people are so mentally and physically trapped that ‘just leaving’ isn’t always an option.

Just being a shoulder to lean on can be such a huge thing to someone that is being abused.
Dont rush them to tell you or push for answers. Dont be judgemental or even feel that you have to have an answer or action plan of how to stop it. Just be there to listen to start with.

Finding out their plans
Do they want to get out of the situation? Are they just wanting you to listen?
The next step is finding out what the person who is being abused wants.

Putting some power back into their situation is always good as they will of been so stripped of that from the abuse. Let them know its their decisions as to what happens and you will support them through what they want to do.

A little encouragment!

Though its important for the person being abused to feel empowerment and have a choice over the situation its also important to (gently) remind them that they dont deserve whats happening to them.

Start by reminding them of there worth and that life could be a lot different for them.

Encourage the person to talk to a professional
Sometimes things are out of our range of knowledge and we have to pass the help on to someone else.

Its a hard process for those abused to talk to someone as they will of been so incredibly conditioned to do the exact opposite and not tell a soul. It might be helpful to explain to the person that you are not skilled in the subject and feel they can offer better help and also productive help that may provide some assistance with leaving the abusive situation. These places are provided with great action plans to start those first steps!

You could always be there during the phone call/meeting or be the one to explain the situation to a professional leaving them to go into more detail.

Proof – A tiny tip!
Proof was always a huge thing in my abuse journey. It was something always advised by those around me that were trying to get me out of the situation. With my story i was under the age of where i could move out on my own. With this i had to make sure that when i got out i wasn’t going to be taken back there as no doubt things would be a lot worse than they originally were!

‘Proof’ doesn’t have to be a video recording of every single day of it happening.
It could be in the form of a journal and depending on the nature of abuse could include small pieces of evidence in the form of pictures of recordings. This is another thing i use to do as when my abuser use to emotionally abuse me i would record it on my phone.

Remain supportive
Both myself and many others i know who have suffered abuse may actually turn round and say ‘I’m staying in this situation’ It doesn’t mean they want the abuse but more than likely are too overwhelmed with the thoughts of the consequences of leaving. Being supportive no matter the decision of the person is extremely important. People that suffer abuse often go back to their abusers several times before finally leaving for good. Don’t give up on them!