My relationship with food!

Hello Poppets!

Today’s blog post is a little something different and a different kind of peak into my life.

This blog post is about my relationship with food and what a relationship its been. See, besides all the trauma related stuffs of my life,my general childhood and i suppose you could call them the ‘normal bits’ were all very all over the place.

I never had any routine and when it came to food that was no different. When i was with my main abuser she didn’t really bother with food and ‘bother with food’ is the only real way i can think of putting it. I just remember she would pick at things all the time. Chips, chocolate, crackers anything that was quick and easy as she was always on the go. When it came to feeding me it was no different. On the very rare occasion i would get a proper meal but it was more than likely that id be tucking into a bowl of sugary cereal or chips. When i wasn’t at home i would often get dropped off at my grandmas at various times of the day and she would always feed me well but it was all at such different times i never could pick up that ‘normal’ routine.

I wouldn’t by any means call it a disorder or even think theres anything that was underlying with it. I just wasn’t brought up to have an interest with food. That relationship with food followed me through my whole life. Even to the point where i worked my busiest nursing job and could often work a split shift of 11hrs on my feet on 2 cups of tea and not a thing more. I wouldn’t feel tired, i wouldn’t feel unwell and most importantly i wouldn’t feel a bit hungry. I guess it was just my bodies routine and all it knew.

Im actually not,but it wasn’t that long ago that i decided to make the change.
I guess the hard thing about making that very change was that i was having no bad effect from the way i was living. It wasn’t like it was effecting my daily life. I just knew it wasn’t healthy (At all, whoops!)

That change came slowly and i started by introducing myself to small helpings during the day. The last thing i wanted to do when getting up at 5am to start work would be tucking into a bowl of porridge. Instead i made overnight oats soaked in yoghurt and would have them around 10:30 on my break at work. I would then try and have things like rice crackers and snack pots of various veggies.

I slowly started introducing more into my diet and am now at a point where i actually have 3 meals a day (I know!) Unfortunately i can’t always stick to times due to my job but i still make sure i have those 3 meals. Also I’m making an active effort to eat well and try and get rid of the amount of sugar i intake.

Here is a rough idea of my current meals and the top things i am really enjoying at the moment!

Breakfast

• Overnight oats
• Muesli with yoghurt and fruit
• Fruit bowl
• Avocado on toast

Lunch

• Tomato sandwich (No laughs at the bank)
• Some sort of salad

  Evening meal

• Cauliflower and chickpea curry
• Sweet potato and chickpea curry
• Homemade black bean burgers
• Homemade Pizza

It is really strange and one of those things you don’t really think of when it comes to abuse. All those things that are ‘normal’ life to so many. Food, hygiene and just generally looking after yourself is totally lost. Unfortunately when those routines are started in life its often continued as we don’t know any different.

I am really enjoying experimenting with food and trying new things. I have a lot more energy (so now can run round twice as fast!) I am proud of myself for noticing it as a problem even though i was so comfortable with the way i was living.

Have you experienced any sort of trauma and had a lasting effect from it that many may not even think of?

Toodle Pip Toodle Pops

xox

littlestlady

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