Honey, i’m home!

Hello there everyone,

How have you been?

My goodness,

Do you know that feeling when you’re just not able to express and find the right words to describe exactly how you’re feeling? Yeeeaaah I’ve sort of been at that point since i landed home on Saturday afternoon.

The trip was just beyond anything i could of ever ever imagined. I tried to find the right words several times during it and again when I got home and sat for a good hour in shock that it all happened.

Its absolutely stunning. Not only was the country a complete stunner it was incredibly insightful. Now, before heading on the trip people told me id learn a lot about myself but i wasn’t quite prepared for the extent of what id learn either.

Before we get into the nitty gritty of all that heavy stuff let me share a little about what i got up to!

Lets go back to the beginning, Sri Lanka is stunning, I’ve said that. Its beautiful. Its lush and green and so full of life. Now i knew it would be beautiful, but i didn’t quite expect the white sanded beaches and when they said tea fields i didn’t quite expect the thousands of them as far as the eye could see.

My trip started out in Colombo, the capital and heart of Sri Lanka. Its erm, busy. Yeah. We will go with busy. Its fast paced, loud and its colourful streets with endless markets and stalls are full of life. I think we can say my first two days of the trip definitely threw me In but im so grateful I saw this part of the country and saw that part of Sri Lankan life.

From Colombo I got the train to Matara which was DEFINITELY an experience in itself. Yes, coming from England ive been on plenty of trains but this was like the london underground x10. It was completely and utterly jam packed. Luckily I managed to get a spot by the door which technically was the whole reason I got on the train in the first place. No I wasn’t going to do one of those adventurous pictures hanging out the door but it was still beautiful to watch Sri Lanka rolling by.

Matara was stunning and though I loved Columbo it was nice to get away from the hustle and bustle especially when I was feeling id come from hustle and bustle back home. Its beaches were beautiful and there was endless bars and food quarters on the beach front. (Which again after that train ride, i was ready for!)

Every part of Sri Lanka I traveled to from Matara was so different from the place id been prior. The temperature difference, the scenery and what people were doing. I never thought id enjoy going in a car or Tuk Tuk quite so much but I just couldn’t take my eyes off the window.

During my trip I covered a good portion of the south and got up to all sorts, literally! I did hikes (Don’t worry,Im in as much shock about it as you are) hugged and elephant and even went to a turtle conservation and put baby turtles back into the sea.

Where ever I went there were buddhist statues on near enough every street corner, some hidden in quieter pockets of sri lanka and some as tall as the Eiffel tower for all eyes to see.

No, i don’t follow the buddhist tradition exactly but buddhism helped me so much during my recovery from not only abuse but my mental health difficulties too.

During my trip I also joined a tour for 12 days to get to know more about the culture. I had a young buddhist tour guide who endlessly repeated quotes and sayings that Id heard growing up an recovering from my mental health difficulties, especially PTSD and once again, i cannot explain the feeling of hearing those words again but in that environment and atmosphere.

Now in terms of what i learnt about myself

Where do we start. Tootling round on my own and then with the tour as well my holiday was filled with nothing but kind people. I mean quite literally I didn’t come across one negative, angry or disheartening soul. I did nothing but explore, visit buddhist temples and hang out with good people. With this, it seemed that every negative entity from back home stuck out a mile.

This might be difficult to explain and its still a little confusing in my head but i learnt a lot about not only myself on this trip but other people too.

My life due to lots of different reasons including because of my blog is filled with people struggling. Now i know life is tough for most and we all have our ups and downs but this id say was more struggling than general life ups and downs.

I feel my purpose in life is to help people and thats not the problem here. (I mean this blogs whole purpose is to help people, right?) but somehow (I say somehow as if I don’t know how) I’ve been wearing myself thin with the wrong kinds of people.

I was sort of brought up with my grandma telling me that ‘good people do bad things’ Even with my abuse it was a ‘good people do bad things’ sort of situation. And you know what? I believe good people do bad things.

But now I’m realising i somewhere along the line took that quote a little too far and told myself to forgive everyone and everything because everyone makes mistakes.

Honestly,Ive had friends sit me down and ask me what on earth I’m doing when it comes to forgiving bad behaviour.
Without fail id somehow find an excuse of why they’d done it and continue pouring my heart and soul into helping that very person. Though at the time i think i was pretty oblivious to doing such a thing,looking back i can see countless times i have made excuses and excused the behaviour of people i shouldn’t have.

More to the point I’m now realising how forgiving such behaviour, isn’t actually helping them.

Learning that some people cant be helped for me, is heartbreaking. Though I know some people cant be helped I still manage to pour myself into toxic and not nice people in the hope that one morning they may wake up a changed person.I can now see those people that truly are struggling way more clearer now. Theres some sort of purity about them and an innocence and though people that are hurting can act in a harmful and negative way it doesn’t always mean its right and that i should harm myself in trying to help them.

Its a lesson that i think will take a while to sit with me as im use to throwing my all into everyone and everything but when people are starting to make me ill after I’ve worked so hard to have the life i have i think i need to be careful.

I never ever imagined that such a beautiful country could be so inspiring and its got me itching to travel more.

Ive come back with a clearer head than ever and Im super excited to get stuck into a few blog posts that have been planned for a while and talk about my first ever mental health event on my blog!