Healing My Body After Abuse – An Update!

Hello everyone!

I hope you’re all doing well!

Back in 2019 you may remember I wrote a blog post called ‘healing my body after abuse’. It was a journey to say the least and today I really wanted to just sit down and talk through my experiences update you all and share what I have learnt!

If you didn’t read the blog post I basically made the decision to go and see a Naturopath after years of experiencing general weakness, aching and clicking with every single movement I made.

It had got that bad over the years that I had become unable to even lift my hairdryer up to dry my hair and if I carried shopping bags for even a short distance I wouldn’t be unable to do anything else for the rest of the day due to jelly arms and just generalised weakness!

I know!

I had talked about my relationship with food on my blog a long time before and I always had this inkling that that was why I was having the symptoms I was. From a small age i was never really given proper meals and I would often be found rummaging through the cupboards for what ever I could get my hands on which would usually be biscuits, chips cans of fizzy drinks. This was also something my main abuser use to do. She used to travel a lot for work and had varied hours of work too. It meant her stocking up the car in the morning with coffee and various treats and living off that for the day. It left me not understanding food and why I needed it as my body wasn’t use to having proper meals or large amounts of food.

When I would go to my grandmas house and she would make dinners or when I would go out for a meal with friends it would take me 3 times as long as everyone else to eat because it was just a real struggle. I had tried a number of times over the years to form a good relationship with food and get into a routine but it never really stuck. It’s important to note that this wasn’t an eating disorder per se, but just that I had no real idea about food and the importance of it.

I had been slightly underweight in the past due to this but doctors would just put me on a supplement and then as soon as i went to a ‘healthy weight’ would tell me I’m fine and send me on my way.If i brought up these difficulties that i was having and my aches and pains i was often just told that i looked healthy.

Now, i want to do another blog post on my journey through accepting myself and body positivity and things but I never felt i looked healthy and when i say that doctors told me i was a healthy weight i think i only just hit that!

And I mean only just!

I wasn’t necessarily ‘unhappy’ with my size, but it used to always bug me that i would never fit the clothes I had on.
I was around a size 8UK (or 10NZ) but I never felt like I fitted those clothes properly. Everything was always baggy on me and I felt it was especially noticeable due to the style of clothing that I wear and how tight fitted the garments were supposed to be. I almost felt like when you see those pictures of children in their dads suits with their long arms and baggy waists!

I also never felt like I looked healthy as much as the doctors tried to tell me that I was and felt like I looked almost pasty and washed out all the time.

At the beginning of April 2019 with peoples recommendations and reviews online I decided to try a Naturopath as I just wasn’t getting anywhere with my doctor. I explained my background and eating habits and he quickly confirmed what I had previously thought (except I probably didn’t realise just how bad it was!)

He explained that my body was basically built off the rubbish I use to eat and that was why I was feeling the way I was. I was lacking those vital vitamins and minerals in the vital years of my childhood and after various tests he confirmed that I was lacking in a wide range of things and probably had been for quite some time. He also agreed that I looked quite washed out and showed me that my eyes were quite yellow which was to do with some sort of deficiency as well.

He explained that my gut would have been put through the mill with all the artificial and sugary things I had been eating and that my difficulties and speed of eating was all due to me just not being used to eating meals and my body not being able to cope with them either.

I was not only put on high doses of collagen and protein for bone and joint health but I was also put on various tablets to help cleanse and detox my worn out liver and gut.

It also during this time that I found out that I had a low thyroid which I wouldn’t have noticed due to being at that level for so long again and I was put on something to heighten my thyroid levels.

We also looked a lot into my diet and what I would need to get myself back on track. He gave me lots of advice on meal ideas as I told him I was still learning what was what in the kitchen and he also suggested I needed to up my protein a little more.

I explained to him that I wanted to go back to the gym as I had been going years prior and that was the only real time i had ever felt remotely strong. He explained that I should wait a little as I had probably been doing more damage than good and after some repair work he would see if he felt it suitable for me to go back.

After a few weeks I had started to notice a difference in my health and after a few months I was considerably better.
Soon after starting my concoction of medications and eating better I wasn’t hearing my joints click and I had no generalised aching like I use to.

After a few months I also had the ‘all clear’ that I could go back to the gym which I was thrilled about and worked on strengthening my joints with a personal trainer all whilst still taking a small amount of vitamins and minerals to keep up with things.

Since then I have been eating 3 meals a day and am now at a point where its the new norm for me. If I have a busy morning and am a bit late for breakfast or lunch I get hungry which is something that I had never experienced before and I can’t really get away with not eating. I have also been going to gym every day or sometimes switch it up and go on some longer walks with Lola just to really keep my strength up.

What a difference!

In terms of my weight, I’ve not actually put a lot on but I have been able to fill my clothes better and feel so much better and more confident for it.

The whole journey i am incredibly grateful for thought it was at times really tough. There was times when I would feel sick to my stomach from trying to force myself to eat 3 meals a day because my body just wasn’t used to it. It took a lot of time and patience and some days it felt like my days were solely centred around food and dreading when I would have to face the next meal.

I find it all really interesting because my main abuser would always complain of aches and pains and would really struggle with them and its made me wonder if that was due to the same issues. She was very ‘nothing I do is wrong’ so I don’t imagine she would have told anyone about how she was, or wasn’t looking after herself!

This is very important; I don’t want anyone to just go out and start grabbing various vitamins and having a go themselves as this is something that between my naturopath and doctor was careful planned out and regularly checked. Still I think its incredibly important if you have come from a background of childhood trauma and neglect to take that time to look into your diet and nutrition and pop it on to your recovery checklist! Also if you have struggled with mental health difficulties in your past those difficulties can leave us not looking after ourselves too.

There is a wide range of signs and symptoms of vitamin defences from getting sick often, tiredness and fatigue and bone and join pain.

I think for a lot of us its difficult to take that time to focus solely on ourselves and if you have come from a background of trauma its almost that no go area where we don’t believe we are worthy enough of doing that and taking the time to look after ourselves. Its so incredibly important though and you are more than worthy of such a thing.

Repeat after me; I AM WORTHY!

Its so important to me that if I’m still here I really want to get the best out of life and that includes me eating well and looking after my body so i can do that!

I hope you enjoyed this post and it may have encouraged you to take that time to look after yourself properly and give yourself and your body the right vitamins and nutrition it deserves!

Take care


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