All The Emotions

Hello everyone,

How are we today?

Today i want to go into my recent magazine features and my feelings and

If you didn’t know i recently had two magazine features. One being a front page of the UK magazine OCDuk in which i featured on the front cover and had an article inside and also featured in Woman’s Day NZ in an article about ‘Women of Courage’.

To be quite honest i think I’ve probably cried a years worth of tears in the past 2-3 weeks.

I was originally approached by OCDuk (which was the first magazine i had out) earlier this year but was told it would be in the form of a blog post on their website. This was exciting enough and no doubt had some form of tears attached to it. *Eye roll*

Then late september i received an email saying i would be featured in the OCDuk magazine . The information went straight over my head i think. In a sort of ‘that won’t happen’ sort of a way. Surely that wasn’t going to happen to me, i mean come off it.

Only a few months later i opened an email titled ‘Magazine preview’ which contained a preview of the front cover of the magazine

Yep. My face. On the front of a magazine. A magazine that ended up being sent to every member of the OCDuk community and given to over 200 people at the annual OCD conference.

Though its fair to say ive had a lot of other things go on in my life OCD and educating people about it is something i will always always be passionate about. Its such a tough, heartbreaking and debilitating battle thats still not as talked about as it should be so sharing my story of being *nearly* 4 years OCD free meant the world to me.

All whilst this was going on and in the midsts of fumbling through the complete and utter shock of it all i was contacted by Cloe of Womans Day.

I was in the middle of writing a blog post when i was contacted and i stopped and quite frankly with no shame attached bawled my eyes out. All night. From what must of been about 6pm to 10:30pm. I didn’t move from my seat i just sat there and cried. Tears of complete and utter shock.

I just felt like years and years of hard work i had finally got somewhere.

Now this blog post is in no means complaining about what i do. This is my passion. My whole life. In fact I’m quite happy to say one of the most important things in my life but I’ve had times were i felt my voice just wasn’t big enough and its really hard to continue when you don’t feel like you’re getting anywhere.

My mission is to show as many people as i can that abuse and trauma isn’t the end and mental health difficulties can be healed from and they aren’t for life. I feel im here for a reason and though i don’t go directly into what happened during my abuse when i say i shouldn’t be here and I’m not sure how i am, believe it.

I feel if i am still here i have a purpose and that purpose is to share what ive learnt and I’ve chosen to do that with my blog.

I receive a lot of wonderful messages and comments that i am helping people but a mixture of me being tough on myself AND knowing how many people need helping i sometimes feel my voice is too small. I sometimes feel I’m barely scratching the surface when it comes to helping people and that does get me down.

Being able to share my voice on such a big platform meant the world to me. The world x10. It was everything i had ever hoped and dreamed for with my blog. Some times i feel im on repeat with you guys and i feel guilty of that but i just hope every time i say it i reach someone new and that someone new may see my story of hope for their lives.

The emotion just built up and built up. It was literally a huge sigh of relief. A huge sigh of unexpected relief.

As always the support has been incredible from you guys and its you that has lead me to share my story on such platforms and as always