Why Did My Final Therapy Work?

Hello there you lovely lot!

I hope you’re all well!

This weeks blog post is a follow on from last weeks blog post on recovery. If you didn’t read that post we spent some time talking about why I chose recovery and what made me want too. This week were talking about my last therapy that I went through and why I feel that one worked.

If you don’t follow my story I was left with a severe form of OCD and PTSD after suffering trauma at the hands of abuse. Throughout my life I had tried all sorts of different therapys but with no avail until I finally landed myself a CBT therapist in the form of an angel.

Now,

When I say through out my life I tried all sorts I really mean I tried all sorts. From around the age of 13-16 I spent those years being misdiagnosed and ‘treated’ for things I didn’t even have. After coming out of my abuse I then went on to have counciling and tried more therapies with my new diagnoses.

So why after trying so many different therapies for around 8 years did my final one actually work?

I feel when I got to the place of wanting a new therapy again id really had enough. Before and especially when I was younger I was sort of put in therapy not knowing why I was there. I mean often I was put in their by my abuser for ‘being mental’ which I guess says it all. I would just sort of turn up and sit there whilst someone would try to figure me out. There was no way I was going to talk as I was terrified of letting something slip about my abuse so in turn id just sit there in silence. Obviously that was no real help especially when I wasn’t 100% sure why I needed help.

After this and leaving my abuser my therapy stopped for a little while. It wasn’t until my assaults that I ended up even thinking about therapy again.

It came about after me being treated for the injuries of my first assault and my GP suggesting to me that I should have some ‘help and support’ Unfortunately I was left on that same cycle of not really knowing why I was there, receiving not so good support and also still being in an abusive environment.

Again I gave up on therapy or that was until I had now noticed a dramatic change in my behaviour . By the time I was assaulted the second time I was frankly, in a mess. I lived like this for quite some time until things got worse and worse..

and worse

Infact my OCD got some bad in the end I couldn’t leave the house. When my OCD started my OCD rituals were more when I went out or went to bed I would do my regular checks. At my worst I was just going round and round my house for no reason. I wasn’t checking the door because I was going out and someone might break in when I was away, I was now checking the door incase someone broke in when I was in.

I was truly driving myself insane with the whole thing and thats what made me want to try therapy again. This wasn’t about someone putting me in therapy or advising me. This was when I’d had ENOUGH. I was sick of myself and I was sick of what I was doing. I knew it wasn’t right behaviour and I knew I didn’t want to live like I was any longer.

If you don’t know much about my OCD story I basically ended up with an incredible therapist that wanted to prove that OCD could be managed.
She had such a passion for her job and with her having an end target It left me wanting the same. She was determined to help me and I was determined and finally willing to be helped.

I guess its like at school, right? You know what subjects you have a remote interest in and you listen. I had to wait until I was ready and more importantly until i wanted to learn. This wasn’t me turning up to therapy thinking ‘Why am I even here?’ or ‘I don’t know what they’re talking about’ or even me being completely switched off as I knew at the end of the session I was going back to a abusive environment and the whole thing was pointless.

Truly,

The right therapy takes time and you need to wait for the right time to be in therapy. I honestly feel the balance of a productive therapy like CBT where I wasn’t just talking about my problems I was doing something with my problems and that timing of me being out of the abuse and having a mind of my own really led me to engage in a successful therapy. I wasn’t engaging because Id been placed into it and I wasn’t engaging because I thought I was ‘mental’ I was doing it for me and to change my life for my benefit.

I always say to people that right time will come for therapy which is often followed with a reply of ‘but when will that be?’ Its one of those tricky questions to answer as I just feel the time will come just like it did with mine and you will know its the right time.

The process of going into repeated therapy and especially repeated therapy that doesn’t seem to have done anything is extremely difficult and draining. The important thing is to not think of these therapies that you engage in as failures. These are incredibly important times to really look at why it didn’t work and to help guide you down the path of finding the right therapy and changing your life.

No matter how many therapies you engage in and how many times you’re trying the important thing is you’re trying and to be incredibly proud of yourself for pushing through such a difficult journey.

You’re still choosing recovery and thats whats important

littlestlady

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