“I wanted to see what would happen if I didn’t give up” - littlestlady.com

A Decade.

Hello Poppets,

How are we?

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Though granted it seems a little strange saying that on 22nd January. The time is already flying by!

I have spent the year so far getting stuck into all the little projects I have been working on and will be releasing this year.

Also a good chunk of my time has been spent reading lots of those ‘In this decade’ posts on social media which brings me to this very post here.

I spent so much time reading the posts of not only friends and loved ones but also some that you guys tagged me in. It wasn’t until I thought about doing mine that my whole world came flashing before my eyes.

Oh.my.days

Don’t get me wrong I’ve had a few of those moments but it wasn’t until i thought about those ten years collectively that i realised that the majority of big events in my life actually happened in the last decade.

The smiles and laughter from reading everyone else posts turned into complete and utter shock at mine and I was left with not only how much of a whirlwind my life had been but also complete and utter gratitude.

Let me share with you a little as to why;

See, 10 years ago I was some what in the midsts of leaving my main abusers care. Which in turn, meant disconnecting from my sexual abuse too. This didn’t mean all things were rosy though as my main abuser began an avid witch hunt to find me. Life was scary even though I had been removed from her care.

I had previously been told my dad had passed away but after leaving my abuse I went on to find out he was very much alive. It led me on to a heart wrenching quest to find him.

I was further assaulted twice which left me developing mental health difficulties. They eventually became so bad I found myself classed with a disability. I became unable to write, unable to leave the house and unable to function.

I tried to get help and tried various therapies but found myself lost, confused and getting worse by the day. LITERALLY. I dealt with people who didn’t want to help, who couldn’t and some who actually made things worse. Things rapidly spiralled and I was well and truly ready to give up.

Or should I say I was, until I had a complete change in mindset and became determined to recover. I was plagued by the words of hurt and harm hanging over me. I wanted to create change and I couldn’t bear to live the way I was. I decided to put a stop to it all and change my life for good.

I found a therapist who came into my life with a glowing halo around her and quite literally changed my life. She helped me work through my trauma and mental health difficulties that had developed.

I became free of my disorders leaving me with not enough symptoms to be classed as having them.

I disconnected from my abusers side of the family including my grandma who had been a huge inspiration and rock in my life. I chose to let go of all things that weren’t serving me for my own wellbeing and to keep up with creating a better future for myself.

Talking of rocks in my life, I found and rebuilt a relationship with my dad.

My main abuser passed away which lead me to making the choice to visit my childhood home to close that chapter of my life.

I created my blog which you see here today and eventually made it into my own business.

I have been on various radio shows and stood on stages teaching people about all the things I have learnt throughout my life and that things can get better.

I found myself in magazines and even landed myself a front page cover.

Yeah. Blown away.

Not only that the events happened but that somewhere in my mind I made a choice to record all that on this very platform. Not only being able to share and record when my main abuser passed away but also record when I went back to my childhood home which left me with one of the most empowering experiences of my life.

Yes of course making that choice to first leave my main abuser was one of the best choices of my life but making this very platform is also one of the best choices i’ve ever made. It has been such an incredible journey. It started as just a way for me to record therapy and how I was feeling and has gone on to not only capture that but has allowed me to grow and learn more than I would have ever imagined.

Part of me thinks DARN IT! I wish I had kept my posts from the original BlogSpot and before all this became quite so professional but even looking back at how much ive grown on this platform has been incredible.

What a life, aye! Most importantly though if this doesn’t show that life can get better I don’t know what does.

Looking back at those defining points in my life I cant help but think about the power of mindset and that change I had. I decided one day that things couldn’t carry on the way they had been and told myself I was going to create change and didn’t stop until I did. It didn’t mean that I didn’t have bad days or thoughts of giving up. It meant that I didn’t give up.

Please team, dont give up.

Keep pushing. Keep healing and keep learning.

Its a beautiful world once you allow yourself to see it.

littlestlady

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